Scars Are Pretty
Yes of course you have to make a living but it’s good to remind ourselves why we started playing music. It’s easy to lose sight of why you invited it into your life in the first place. The magic is in the honest moments not how many units you sold… that’s just the icing on the cake
Charlotte Sometimes
90 plays

This is a song I’ve been wanting to do for a while… but it took time because I wanted to say the right things. That’s a bit hard to do when everything you write needs to say the right thing for the right people. This is a song for those that are broken and feel like they have no purpose in life. We all feel that way whether we admit it or not. It’s dedicated to a friend… a friend who used to be a stranger… who is more important than she probably will ever know. This is exactly what I saw in her long before I ever got to know her, and it’s what made me want to be her friend. 

"Things in your life have let you down

But you got up and turned it around

You’re living proof that it will be okay

I see you if no one does

I know how far you’ve come

The gold inside shines through your face

You were made for something great

I know there’s good when He creates

And I know He wants you too

You still matter when life goes grey

You’re still known when there’s pain

I know He’s not through with you

Your smile can light the darkest night

I see love in your eyes

There is hope because of who you are

He sees you when no one does

He calls you His, He calls you loved

He longs to hold you in His arms

You’re still known when hope is gone

You’re still known when life goes wrong

You’re still known everyday of your life”

But the decision I make about myself and my worth is a decision that will affect my entire life. If my story doesn’t matter internally, my story won’t matter to anyone else

Mandy Steward

9 plays

New little diddy I wrote after coming to a place of messing up and falling down and a conversation of my confession of it.

"I think the more focused Christians are on the external behavior, the greater the possibility they are trying to make up for what they lack in their hearts"
                               Jefferson Bethke

Okay so when I first read this, I couldn’t have agreed more. But the sad part is, other people came to mind that fit this. This was my problem, though.

Usually, I try to be honest about every aspect of my life. Ask me a question, I will answer it. I will share the good stuff, the bad stuff, and everything in between because I want to be authentic. It’s actually a requirement if you want to connect with people, if you want friends, if you want genuine relationships. But even so, I fail.

Of course I want to love people radically and unconditionally… and sometimes, I make that well known. Maybe I like the attention or praise from it… but somewhere along the way, I realized it was no better than all those miserable hate the world posts I would get frustrated with. The only difference was my posts made me look good. That’s the way we like it.. we like validation. Sometimes, we will go to extremes just to get it and completely not even mean whatever way those are delivered. I could talk about loving people, but yet…. even those I love I would think were less than me at times. I noticed how I started to think and say how I could never do what that person did…

Where we place our hearts and minds will usually come out somehow one way or another. People tend to not think bad of me because I once loved them hardcore… but to their faces, I’m talking about others as if I deserved more… or they were less than me. I actually started taking advantage of that knowing I wouldn’t be thought bad about.

But then I came to a point where I know that had to change.. so that’s what I’ve been working on. Considering the twitter followers I have, or my Facebook friends…. I realized I have to be more mindful of what I say…. and that’s a hard thing to do when certain words in your vocabulary are a habit. 

That’s why I appreciate this quote.. I had to understand that what’s in my heart needs to match my walk and talk, and they didn’t.

Thank God for His patience and grace..

I’ve noticed something in life. I’ve noticed there are dazzling people who are remarkable and amazing and worth telling stories about and then there are quiet ones who get up each day and go to work like farmers. And I’ve noticed the quiet ones who get up each day and go to work like farmers are usually the ones that, over the long arch of a life, can be counted on the most. They speak a simple truth and prove their values through work. Everything else is a parade, I suppose
Donald Miller
Hi, I was reading your post from about 2 weeks ago about some of the secrets you keep. I believe most of us have the same secrets, I know i struggle with most of what you listed, It seems like at times it's not worth living with these secrets, how do you deal with it? Do you think it's better to find someone to share the secrets with or keep them to yourself? I have someone in my life i feel like i can share this stuff with but worried if it will scare them away. Not sure what to do. Any advice?

I’m so sorry I didn’t see this until now. I don’t know how long ago this was left but I’m hoping you see this response. So here it goes.
I carried a lot of secrets to myself for such a long time.. and in doing that, it made me scared of people. I always felt I would be judged and rejected. It makes it very hard to maintain relationships as well.

For the most part, I try to be honest about things. I’ve learned that being authentic is the best way to connect with people.. because a lot of people out there still feel ashamed to tell anyone things. When I see someone who struggles with the same things I do, it makes me feel like I’m not alone…. and that is what gives me more hope than anything. So for that reason, I want to be as authentic as I can for others to feel like they’re not alone.

Also, a lot of what helps is recognizing and accepting you have value.. and that your identity does not come from words or actions that others do or say to you. Realize that your value lies beyond that and once you do, it will change the way you see the world.

Hope that helps. :-)

Here are ten little facts about me that I’m sure are about to become blatantly obvious (if they aren’t already) to those that know me. I think everyone should do this.

1. I always have to have a step to put my foot on when I sit or stand. Whatever I’m doing, I have to have at least one foot elevated.

2. I hate eye contact. There is no good reason.. and I can only maintain it for so long before my anxiety kicks in and I have to look away. Somedays, I’m able to stand it longer than others.

3. If there’s music on, I will most likely tap my feet. This includes having earphones on.

4. When I write, I have to have other things going on too. Things such as music, having my phone nearby, or even a tv. My attention span can be short lived sometimes

5. My tastes in everything change all the time. One day I will like something and the next I will be disgusted by it. It’s a curse I tell you.

6. I have never met most of my friends.

7. I’m crazy about keeping my teeth clean. It’s disgusting but if my teeth feel gross, you will catch me cleaning them at any time.

8. I can’t stand dirty fingernails. That’s usually one of the first things I observe when I talk to anyone.

9. I use tons of hand gestures. Watch any video of mine on YouTube to see. It became a habit after watching Matt Chandler and Jefferson Bethke talk.

10. I buckle my belt on the side of my jeans instead of the normal front way. I saw my friend Jessica do this once, and I thought it looked cool so I started doing it and havent looked back.

So there you have it. I think all of you should do something like this.. ya know… to get to know eachother more.

A while back, I wrote in one of my journals five people I would love to have a deep meaningful conversation with… and since that time, that list changed. Mostly due to the different seasons in my life… and life in general. But here is my list as of now. 

1. Melissa Jackson - Plumb’s best friend. I’ve read this girl’s blogs and tweets for a while now… and the way she writes about Jesus and love and her mess really just amazes me. I can only imagine the wisdom shared between Tiffany and Melissa.. I’d love to be a fly on the wall during one of their deep conversations.

2. Donald Miller - this guy shares a lot of honesty… There are many people who do, but when he shares it comes from a place of understanding the need for grace. He’s admitted to hurting people and I appreciate this because I do it all the time. 

3. Cailtin Crosby - I first heard of her as a twitter suggestion from Plumb.. and following along, I saw how she reached out to someone in need and turned that into a great vision. I’ve only given away two giving keys ever, but I would love to sit down and chat with the girl who helped me say something huge with something so small. 

4. Heather Whittaker - I’ve followed Carlos Whittaker on twitter for about a year or so now, and his blogs always challenge my ways of thinking.. He describes his wife, Heather, as grace with skin on. I’ve no doubt I could learn so much about how to be grace from this woman. 

5. Miley Cyrus - simply because I would love a good few hours to just love on her and pour into her. 

There are plenty more I could name.. but these really come to mind. As I follow along and read blogs and tweets and such…. there are some really really beautiful things that have been shared. These people are game changers and there is nothing more challenging in life than that. 

"Love is blind"

Yea, I think that’s a load of crap. If it is, I don’t want to be associated with it.

Okay, I get the concept it tries to make, but that’s probably because people tend to believe that it is an emotion only…. and not a choice. If it is not a choice, then it gives excuse for people to stay in abusive situations and intolerable atmospheres…. simply because, “they can’t help themselves”… and sadly, we look down upon people who are in these circumstances while claiming they can’t help it.

Also, it suggests being blind to faults and wrongs… okay, we shouldn’t hold these against people, but where would accountability fit in?

I’m full of crap.. I get it wrong most of the time.. I can only conclude that I need Jesus because of how messy I am. A lot of people tell me there’s nothing I can do to make them stop being my friend…. and that kind of hurts my feelings.

I know, weird.

We all want friends to stay this… but I think when that offer is made, thats a person who will not call me out on my crap.

And I need this.

I don’t want people blind to my hurts, my falling short, my mess… I want people to love me in spite of it all. Because love does the hard stuff. It gets betrayed and abandoned…. and it hurts a lot sometimes. Funny thing is, we’re also terrified of it. We’re terrified of something we claim should be blind.

If you want a blind emotion, look at hate. Hate can destroy a life (or many) in a matter of seconds. Love takes time rebuild and redeem. Because it sees. It sees potential. It sees value.. it sees destruction. It sees the hard things… it sees it all and does anyway.

Hate, on the other hand, turns away from the hurt it causes.. it causes us to be blind to the value in others just because we carry it. It doesn’t see the potential disaster in front of it….. it doesn’t see through the destruction.

I was reading in Matthew this morning… about how God values each and every one of us. He is not blind to our wrong doings, but because of the cross, He forgives us. Imagine that. Love is His nature and I’m so incredibly glad I don’t serve a blind God.